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Aaah, sorry for the absence. Sometimes, if I read too much news, I get into the sort of state where I don’t want to get out of bed for a few days. Anyways, today I found something cheery. Bush’s military records. AWOLBush.com has a pretty nice set of documents, all released under my old pal, the freedom of information act.
Arnie Wins California Yes:54% No: 46% with 96% of precincts reported. If you listen real close, you can just about hear the lamentation of the women… Via Skimble, an offer from Rapture Letters: From Skimble: After Bush policies bring about the End Times, his faith-based constituencies will disappear from the earth via The Rapture. Thanks to a new service called Rapture Letters, they will be able to send free email from their privileged positions in heaven to the rest of us infidels left behind. The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven. If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that. This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven. While it is probably true that there will indeed be speculation when these people dissappear, I expect it will be closely followed by a massive party, then world peace. So, you’re building a WMD, but you’re not sure where to source all those tricky tools, and the all-important protective gear? No problem! RummyMart has everything you need. We even deliver! The US Defence Department could inadvertently be providing terrorists with the equipment to make chemical or biological weapons, say congressional investigators. They found the Pentagon was not properly monitoring internet sales of its equipment and so was unable to determine who was buying it and how it was being used. The House Government Reform Subcommittee on national security – which requested the inquiry – will examine the findings on Tuesday. “The Department of Defence should not be a discount shopping outlet for would-be-bio terrorists,” said subcommittee chairman, Representative Christopher Shays. Investigators set up a shell company to find out how easy it is to buy laboratory equipment from the Pentagon. Using a website that sells the surplus gear, they bought centrifuges, evaporators, bacteriological incubators and protective clothing – all of which could be used to make chemical or biological weapons. The report by the General Accounting Office says the equipment was both easy and economical to obtain. They found that in numerous cases surplus kit was re-sold to unknown buyers in countries where terrorists have operated, such as the Philippines and Egypt. The Pentagon regularly sells surplus equipment, and the instruments bought by the investigators are commercially available. “The cheap, virtually unregulated availability of low-cost biological laboratory equipment poses a risk to national security,” said Mr Shays. You heard it folks! The General Accounting Office calls us “Easy and Economical”! Shop RummyMart today! Bacteriological incubators. For sale at your local Department of Defense. I can’t think of anything funny to write about that. I think I’m going to go to bed, in the hope that when I wake up I’ve slipped back into my own parallel universe, where things make sense. *Sigh* And just in from Greg Palast. While the California press is reluctant to challenge the Austrian dumbbell lifter on anything more significant than his palm print on some females’ behinds, one reader of our report below confronted Schwarzenegger. Friday, at a staged event in front of the Von’s supermarket in Bakersfield, Referring to the disclosure in my column (which would have been well known to the candidate by that time), she shouted, “He’s in bed with Kenny Lay, you idiots! It’s your money!” There was dead silence for a beat, then came the voice through the loudspeakers, “I suhtunly wasn’t in bet wit YOU!” The world watches, awestruck. The clock ticks for California. Aljazeera, that font of electoral wisdom, reports from the recall: “Gray Davis has terminated jobs, Gray Davis has terminated dreams, Gray Davis has terminated opportunity and now it’s time to terminate Gray Davis,” he said. The Schwartz needs to learn how to terminate his sentences. Mr Schwarzenegger has been accused of serial sexual battery. Shown extreme disregard for Native American rights. Been accused of plotting with Enron. He has bought up the footage that allegedly shows him doing an excellent Adolf Hitler routine, and saying how much he admire the author of Mein Kampf. He claims to have taken part in the “gang-bang” of a black woman. And then claims he just made that story up to promote body-building. Then came a crime for which most right-thinking male brits would see him strung up for. The Guardian Article at the time (Friday December 15, 2000) reported: Schwarzenegger grasped Boddington’s model turned TV starlet Melanie Sykes around the waist. “Get your hands off me – I’m scared,” she is reported to have said, whereupon the married father-of-four made a lunge for Sykes’ breast instead.The further accusations revolve around interviews the actor had with presenters Denise van Outen and Anna Richardson, also conducted in London’s Dorchester hotel. Richardson told the tabloid: “I wanted to say, ‘You dirty bastard’. But you can’t tell a powerful man like him to f*** off… He kept saying how fantastic I looked and staring at my [breasts].” At the end of the interview, claims Richardson, “He pulled me onto his knee, saying ‘I really want to know if your breasts are real'” Keep your hands off our women, Arnie! We’ll take Melanie and Denise’s word over yours any day of the year. If only Zonker had stood. But he missed the filing deadline. Still, he and his friend, Monsieur Trudeau, have made sure that every paper reader in California has a recorse should the worst happen. Another recall form. That the man is even allowed to run for office with so much hanging over him is an insult to the Californian people, and women everywhere. Wake up America! Dormez-vous California? The world is laughing at you! You’re supposed to make comedy, not be it! George W Bush will unmask the leakers using the power of his mind!
Its a coming to me fellas. I see a face. Is that a beard? Nuts! Sorry guys it’s gone again. Shucks. Well, I guess we did our best. |
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