And now a word from TASER®.

Hey there TASER® fans! Your standard TASER® may be excellent for delivering 50,000 volts to the sentient being of your choice, but while you might feel good, do you look good?

Introducing the C2 TASER® fashion range, featuring a choice of hip-looking instruments of agony. Is your target spasming because of the volts, or just because he had hoped leopard-print went out with the 80’s? Who cares, as long as he spasms!

C2 Leopard21

Also available in Red Hot, Fashion Pink, Black Pearl, Electric Blue, Metallic Pink, and Titanium. You’ll be happy to hear that the included lithium battery is good for over 50 tases. For heavy users, additional batteries are available.

But wait, you feel there’s still something missing? Wouldn’t it be totally rad and awesome if, while you’re tasing hippies and old men, you could also be rocking out with some of your favourite tracks. How about “Another one bites the dust” by Queen (though something from their album “Sheer Heart Attack” might be more appropriate). Presenting the TASER® C2 Holster Hard Case with 1GB MP3 Player.

C2 Holster Mph12

Now, when your victim goes down, you can be getting on down too. Burn baby burn. Disco Inferno!!

Ha! If only I was joking. I’m not. TASERS® are going mainstream, cool, and funky. As TASER® point out, “TASER® devices are not considered firearms by the US Government. They can be legally carried (concealed or open) without permit required in 43 states.”. Yay for concealed deadly weapons for everyone!!!

And remember: If a subject is exhibiting signs or behaviors that are
associated with Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome, consider need for medical assistance.

Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome is a mysterious ailment that sometimes affects people who have coincidently just had the crap beaten out of them by police, or been electrocuted. It is possible that we will never know what causes it, it’s that bloody mysterious.

A list of TASER® deaths from October to November 2007.

Above is security camera footage of an incident in November where an unarmed pregnant mother in Trotwood, Ohio, was tasered by a police officer. It is clear from the footage that her level of resistance was nowhere near that which would make use of such force appropriate. She had already been pushed on her face onto the ground, and was being held down. Why the need to tase her in the neck?

No information is available on whether the cop preferred Leopard-print, or Electric Blue. Perhaps he should go to a TASER® party and find out.

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