Thou shalt not take the name of Optimus Prime in vain, nor usurp his copyrighted likeness.

Shipping containers. They’re ubiquitous, be they filled with frozen lamb, children’s clothing, or some plastic crap destined for Walmart. Or are they filled with doom? Beware, as from now on, shipping containers are… MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!

Somewhere in Russia, a new plot is born. Well, not so much a plot as a marketing video for weapons of doom from munitions firm Novator. It has better production values than most Saturday morning cartoon shows.

Seriously, who decided that selling shipping containers that transform into cruise missile launchers on the open market was a good idea? This is a genuine product being shown off at the Defence Services Asia exhibition in Malaysia. I sure wouldn’t want to be the blue coloured country in that video. Team blue are clearly the bad guys for having their weapons of mass destruction in plain sight, not like team red, who kept their military build-up a complete secret. Thanks, Novator!

It’s a genuinely awful idea that does nothing to make the world a safer place. Not to mention that somewhere, someone is yelling “I said I wanted to go on a cruise with Club Med, not get a cruise missile from Club-K!”. They’re retailing at between 10 and 20 million dollars, depending on what optional extras you go for, putting them in the price range of almost any evil genius, plus they’re very easy to ship!

What offends me most of all though is how they have blatantly made the truck look like Optimus Prime, bringing the greatest hero of my generation into disrepute. The Autobot leader is a being of infinite courage and wisdom who would have no part in this scheme. I suspect a Decepticon plot. Unwise to mess with The Prime, in this earthling’s opinion. For he is…. MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!

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